Goo Hoarder

So I for one, am a huge fan of Jenna Marbles.

If you do not know who she is go look her up on the youtubes......

Ok, you done now?

Anyway, in one of her videos she mentions, "Goo Hoarding"

Goo, is any beauty product that is gooey.

This includes lotions, shampoo, lip gloss/balm, and I include perfumes.

I will say right now that I, Graceless Gurl, am a Goo Hoarder.

I have about 8 or 9 bottles of lotion, about 10 different perfumes/scents, too many lip glosses to count, and endless bottles of shampoo.

Here is an exapmle of my hoarding

My friend took me to bath and body works for the first time (Which if you don't know what that is, it is a Goo hoarders worst nightmare/best dream)

I bought a lip gloss.

Not any old lip gloss, no.

This lip gloss was THE most amazing lip gloss I have ever owned, in my life.

It was $3

(On a complete side note I also bought $21 of lotions and body sprays at the same time.)

I obsessivly used it the next day, and by then it was love.

Now, one of my pet peeves is that when I find an amazing lip gloss and I finish it I can never seem to find it again, ever.

I was terrified of this happening with my new gloss.

So, the next day when I went back with my mom, because not only am I a Goo Hoarder, I like to infect other people as well. 

I bought another 2 of the same exact lip gloss.

I have no idea how I will ever use my now lifetime supply of lip gloss, but I don't regret it.

I also now feel like I went through all that time explaining it almost as if I'm trying to convince myself that it wasn't the most hoarder-ey thing I have ever done in my life.

It was

The Mug

More examples of my overall clumsiness, yaaaaaaaaay.
So last Satrday I was home alone and decided

"Dang it! I'm going to be an adult today! I'm going to do my laundry early for once instead of last minute! I'm going to clean every single thing! I'm going to be an adult! And do you know what adults drink? That's right, Tea and coffee"

I personally do not care for either drink but I decided that tea sounded a little more appealing then coffee so I instantly got on making it.

Now, once i had boiled the water and made my tea with more sugar than a human being should ever ingest, I sat down in my living room on my couch and watched a very adult television program.

Haha just kidding I watched Friends.

Anyway, after that I got myself all psyched up to be an adult, mentally preparing myself for the task ahead.

I walked out to the kitchen, my blue mug in hand, and then I tripped. Over a rug. Again.

I flailed for a bit and tried to put my mug in the sink. Instead, I threw it into the sink and it broke.

I was devastated. Not about the mug, I have tons of mugs, but about what the mug represented. Who was I kidding, I couldn't be an adult, I couldn't even drink tea without ruining something.

So sat there and stared at the broken mug for a bit, feeling very sad and sorry for myself. Then I got an idea.

I would fix the mug, therefore fixing my problems with being an adult!

I gathered all the broken pieces and arranged them on my counter in a way so that I would know hot to put it back together. Then I grabbed the Krazy Glue out of my junk drawer and got to work.

There was no glue in the bottle.

After further investigation apparently there wasn't a single drop of glue in my entire house.

I could only take this as the universe not so subtlety suggesting that I would never be an adult no matter how hard I really tried.

That my friends, Is how I ended up on my couch watching Friends and eating cake all Saturday morning, very depressed.

Demon Food Processor

The other day i decided to try to be healthy and make myself a nice strawberry smoothie.

First off can I say,

"Why manufacturers, why? Why must your machine have eight thousand pieces and be the devil to work with!" 

To start off I also own a food steamer so a lot of those pieces were getting confused with the food processor's. 

So I've never used said food processor before, setting me up for failure.

Anyway, after I finally figure out what pieces go where, I lock everything in and press the button to start it.

It does nothing.

I jiggle it around a bit and to my surprise, it still does nothing.

I can be really thick sometimes can't I?

So after that little idiot moment I decide to go online and look up the directions, making the first good idea yet.

So I read through the whole manual and I can't see anything I did wrong.

By this point this stupid food processor is really annoying me, but I reeally want a smoothie. 

Another 45 minutes of struggle fest 2013 I  push the button and it whirs to life, scaring the absolute living crap out of me.

Who am I to challenge why it works, I just put my frozen strawberries in, hit puree, and I'm done.

Now because I am the most curious person in the world I look online and finally figure out why it worked.

The handle on the plastic bin has to be facing you to work.

Stupid.

Blog surfing

So recently one of my favorite things to do is blog surf.

You know the little bar at the top of the screen that says "next blog"?

Well you just click that and it will take you to different blogs.

Its fun to see all the different kinds of blogs and people in the world.

Most of them are religious but if you catch a good funny one it's like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.



So I have a dare for anyone who reads my blog.

Comment in the comment section your favorite blog.

It could be one you found blog surfing, or just one you find funny.

So please if you have the time do it, it would mean a lot to me and it could help whoever writes the blog get views.

Insane Mega Jerk Alarm, and Cat Puke.

So last night the universe was against me sleeping.

First, a little back story.

I never let my cats in my room at night, they're too annoying

At about 8:45-9:00 ish I left my room and went to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth and all other before bed activities.

When i opened my door i found Cat 2 (the fat gray tiger) sitting outside my door.

I then realized he does this every night because he wants to sleep in my room.

Aw

So i proceeded to go do what i needed whilst loving him and petting him.

I sat on the bathroom floor so i could cuddle him a bit.

It's pretty cold on the bathroom floor though so my brain said "why dont u just let him on your bed, just this once"

Stupid brain, stupid!

So that's how he ended up sleeping on my bed

After licking himself for about an hour he finally settled down and went to sleep, which is important but I will come back to it later.

Now, on a completely different story, at about 1:30 AM my smoke detector alarm decides to sing me the low battery song of its people.


BEEP!    BEEP!           BEEP!         BEEP!

For about an hour, then it finally turns off (I think it ran out of battery, ha!) and I go back to sleep.


Alright now back to the other story.

You know how I said it was important that my cat licked himself for about an hour before sleep?

At about 2:30 AM, He decides that tonight is a good a night as any to puke on my bed.

I wake up to the sound of him dry retching, and I panic.

See I just got this bed a couple weeks ago and I spent extra on really nice sheets I did not want him to ruin.

My barely awake brain goes into major panic mode, only thing in my brain is

"No No No No No No"

So, my brilliant brain decides that the best course of action is to clamp his mouth shut with my hand and try to get him off my bed.

I should probably mention at this point that I have a full loft bed with a ladder, so I can't just throw him off.

Halfway down the ladder I can't hold it back anymore, he pukes all over my hand, legs, and the overflow gets on my carpet.

He proceeds to try to eat his own puke.

Another hour later I'm cleaned up and finally getting back to bed.

Great.




So that's the story of how I ended up going to bed at 4 AM, smelling like cat puke.

This is what I get for trying to be nice to my cat.

The Simple Cat

I have two cats.

One is a very regal black and white girl cat, I'll post a picture here.

I also have a gray tiger boy kitten who is a year old and 14 lbs, He is the fattest cat I have ever seen that age.


I'll post a picture of him here,

As you can see there's a great difference in the two cats, I'm going to refer to them as cat 1 (The black and white one), and cat 2 (The gray tiger).

Now, cat 1 has never had another cat in the house before so when we brought cat 2 home it was a big deal.

It doesn't help that cat 2 terrorizes our cat 1 to no end.

Cat 2 seems to be missing the problem solving part of his brain.

Whenever he encounters a problem like no food or he wants to get out of a room with the door closed, he lays down and cries as loud as he can until we fix it.

He is also the laziest cat I have ever encountered.



So a while back I decided to test my suspicion that he might be a little, stupid. 

I went online and found a cat IQ test and decided to try it.

Here's how it went.



TEST ONE

Test- Put a blanket over your cat, time how long it takes the cat to get out from under the blanket.

Result- As soon as I put the blanket over his head he started to cry, a lot. After I didn't come to his immediate rescue he decided to lay down and sleep.

Score- 0 out of 10


TEST TWO

Test- Put laundry basket over cats head, observe the cats attempts to escape
Result- He cried, a lot. After I didn't come to his immediate rescue he lay down and went to sleep.

Score- 0 out of 10


TEST THREE

Test- Place food underneath a clear bin, see what cat does

Result- Cat does nothing. spends five minutes laying down then walks out of the bathroom, climbs into the food bag on the washing machine, lays down and eats.

Score- Showing a little better progress so I'll give him a 2 out of 10, possibly because I don't want to see my cat fail.




So after a few more tests like this, him scoring the same on most of them, 0, I got back the final results and here they are. ( I'm copying and pasting these results straight from the website)


Your cat isn't the smartest. It relies on you to fix most of its major problems. This kind of cat will probably be friendlier because it sees you as more of a provider than other cats would. 

Your cats final result is: SIMPLE.


So my cat is simple. Don't ask me what that means, or why they felt the need to caps lock it.

He's simple.

Like A Boss

Is it bad that I go through life narrating what I'm doing and adding 'like a boss' at the end of every sentence?

Brushing my teeth, like a boss

Making a sandwich, like a boss

Loading the dishwasher, like a boss.

Idk, maybe that's normal, maybe not.